I reflect back to earlier this year. I met my father after 19 years. I never thought I would meet him, but I did and was excited. I got to meet my brothers and form a relationship with them. I am the oldest of the brothers and it felt good. I met my uncle and my aunt and quickly my uncle invited me into the family I knew nothing about. Everything was going good...

Up until I apparently offended my father by saying " Fuck god" or something to that extent. From what he has told my mother, I disrespected the lord and should apologize for doing so. I felt no need to do so because he disrespected me before any of that happened. He disrespects his wife, women and even his own kids at times. I finally told him what I thought about it. I'm not one to sit there and let things fly like that. It gives my brothers negative views towards women and could teach them that it is okay to see women as just wives and cookers and cleaners and so on and so forth.

After some time, it just led to fights over text and even my mother had her own things to say to him. I finally told him that I didn't want to believe that fathers were as fucked up as people say, but he proved me right.

I didn't know it would turn out this way. He barely remembered my birthday. Yes, he got me this computer but that was months before and even then, it was the only thing he has ever got me. My mother told me if he said nothing for Christmas, she would tell him what's up. She did and she got a big fuck you. He says that I want nothing to do with him so I get nothing from him. What a father he is. He's already said that I would be straight if he was around. He said he would have beat me with a belt if I came out earlier in life. At 15, I would think I would have scars from the belt beatings. My gay cousin even told me that I have no idea what I'm getting myself into. I told him that I will find out for myself.

My father could have found me if he really did try hard enough. I'm done. I have a biological father, but I have no father. From this day forth, my mother is and always will be my mother and father. She has been my entire life. I appreciate her in every way and I'm glad she is there for me. I could not ask for a better mother.

Plus, I'm going to be the best damn father I can be for my kids when I have them. If my father couldn't do it, I sure as hell can.

Tags: bastard, dad, father, memory, mother, past, remember