Wanting to understand everything is something I will probably never be able to do. I do not understand why I feel as thought I am going to fail. I know I will not, but I still have this unbearable feeling. While I am feeling this way, I have this sudden moment of clarity. I feel at ease and I know I will be able to do just about anything. It really is a wonderful feeling. For a split second, I feel complete. I feel as if I can take on the world. That feeling is then completely diminished and I am back to laying in bed, thinking about all the possibilities of things going wrong. Granted, I don't constantly think of the wrong. I think of the "Will I be able to follow through with what I am doing?" I am quite capable of doing anything I set my mind to. I tell myself that if someone else can do it, I sure as hell can do it too!

I'm done with this anyway. I woke up at two and I could not get back to sleep. At least I got 4 hours of sleep. Once it hits seven or perhaps eight, I will be more awake. I can't seem to fall asleep before eleven or twelve and sleep any longer past two. It is frustrating. I wanted to sleep until five-thirty. That is not happening anytime soon since it is four forty-one. At least tomorrow I will get more sleep because I will not go to sleep until twelve.

Today I have an appointment with the counselor at one to make an educational plan and get my financial aid papers signed. I really hope I get some money. That way I actually have some for school, food and other necessities. I need to save some money!

Tomorrow I have the PFlag Cabaret at the church across the corner from school. It should be fun! I went last year, which is where I met Breathless. I had a lot of fun last year, so I'm hoping to have some fun this year. I am going to be recording as much as I can and photographing too. All of which is for Breathless and for personal use. Let us hope I get some good shots! I doubt it, but hey...

On Wednesday there is a forum on the ballot measures. I am going to go to that so I can get some information, write a summary on it and get extra credit for Philosophy. I wonder if I will go or not...

I am tired and I'm going to make some tea to wake up! Enjoy yourselves.

Tags: appointment, school, stuff, thoughts, yo mama