I'm sitting here at school, in the cafeteria. Jesse is sitting across from me on his laptop, sipping on his black tea and doing an art paper that is due soon. My headphones are firmly placed in my ears and I'm listening to music on my myspace page. I have checked one of my final papers to see if anything should be change and I have found nothing that I would want to change and nothing I can think of to add on. My Philosophy final paper should go well, I need to study for the final. I have a final today in Sign, a signed final actually. I'm hoping that it goes well, which I'm sure it will but still! I ate my usual of smal fries with ketchup/tapatio sauce. Alongside with that, a mixture of celery, carrots and broccoli. I mainly get it for the broccoli. I try to finish it all, but I just get tired of the taste of the celery and carrots. I have about 2 hours until my Philosophy class, so I sit here writing and doing my best to get out of my head.



I went and saw my counselor here at school. Apparently CSUSTAN is going to discontinue the distance learning classes for deaf communications and what not, this semester. That disappoints me because that would have been great to just go down the street to school. I still do have more research to do. I need to ask James about what school he went to and if he knows of anything. I still have time, but I at least should have something in mind so I can work towards that instead of always straying away from a path. I don't always feel like I'm going to stick around here forever. You never know, I may end up actually going to the Azorces to see where life takes me. I could brush up on my first language and immerse myself in my culture. We will see about that. It's still there in my mind and I'm wondering if I may actually want to do that. I would be leaving a lot behind for months, but it could be a great learning/growth experience. I'll have to look into that sometime. We shall see!



Before I started writing all of this down, I was feeling very anxious. I still do, but not as much. Perhaps writing this down right now and listening to music throws me off the anxious path and I find some kind of relief. I'm listening to Tegan and Sara "Burn Your Life Down". I love them! I need to make a playlist of my favorites so I can listen to them when I want to relax.



I really shouldn't be getting all anxious, but I am. I just need to count to ten or something. No worries or anything. I want to pick up some books from Borders or Barnes and Noble to read over the summer. Some deaf studies books, history n' such. I also want to pick up the book I already have on Gay and Lesbian History! Perhaps I could spend the summer reading up on the history of different cultures. Mainly Gay and Lesbian and Deaf society. We will see where all this takes me. My Gay and Lesbian History book is thick! While the other may be just as thick. What's with all these thick things these days!



Paramore - Let the Flames Begin! (Oh how I love this song)



I'm a mess and it's OK. I am finally able to cope with that. I can admit that I'm a wreck, but I'm working on that. I heard a song earlier, called "Maybe" by Kelly Clarkson. I fell in love with it. Completely reminds me of myself. A friend of mine told me that's his song or something to that extent. Now I see why, it's a really good song! In fact, I am just listening to it right now.



So enough of my ranting of how I feel and what my day has been like and what I am planning to do with myself. I am always going to be changing what I want to do with myself. I am always growing. I may bloom into a rose, a pansy (hehe), a dandelion, daffodil, or whatever it is I bloom. I'll be some kind of flower...

Tags: anxious, deaf, flower, gay and lesbian, history, kelly clarkson, life, paramore, society, tegan and sara
Current Mood: complacent