This is where I write.

Don't speak, I know just what you're thinking.

2008-05-14T06:50:35Z

At the moment, I think about how good this morning was. I went and got tested. I struck up a conversation with the guy who administered the test. He was gay and very nice! Maile waited outside for me and she knew I had struck up a conversation because I was in there far longer than I should have been. It was just really nice to just talk to someone I didn't know because I wasn't sure if I would ever see him again. He told me that he would see me at the bars when I'm old enough, which is in a few months.

I told him about my situation, considering I was talking about my sexual history, I felt the need. He brought up some very good points that really brought things into a clearer perspective. I noticed a lot of things that I couldn't quite pinpoint. Now here I am, good to have found some clarity.

I will not be made a fool of. I will not have my age determine anything. I will not let myself be taken advantage of. I will not give into acts of jealousy because I have no reason to do so.
I am not saying this because it is what's happening, but I am saying this for the sole purpose of getting it out there. I knew straight from the get go things would be complicated. I even said it. I even thought it was plain and simple what it was.
From how it seems now, I was nothing more than just an NSA. Nothing more, nothing less. I really thought we could be friends, but it doesn't seem to be the case because when I wanted to I was brushed off. This situation, an NSA, does not involve romance. Yet romance was being involved in some way, but not on my part. I'm asked what have I done romantic. I have done nothing because I do not have to. I am not anyones boyfriend or potential dating partner. Romance in an NSA is not supposed to be there if it was purely a physical thing.
This was just really complicated.
I can't say I lost a friend because I don't feel like it was really anything more than just fooling around. That's all that really ever happened when we would see each other. Sure, we hung out every now and then without doing anything but that was going out to lunch. I tried once to get together as friends and do nothing more than talk and drink tea, but no. I was brushed off and told that what was wanted was physical contact, and then later on, was asked to do what I asked earlier. I declined because, well, once was enough for me. I only got irritated because I felt provoked. I only fought because I was irritated.

I don't hate anyone, I don't dislike, right now I don't really mind much. This was just a simple learning experience. I enjoyed it and I feel like I have grown much from it.

Thanks for the memories, no really, thanks.
I feel good now. I won't speak of this any longer, there is no need.

It's the deep thoughts that get ya.

2008-05-13T13:38:52Z

I woke up this morning at 3:30. I went online and took all my quizzes for this week. I didn't do so well. I didn't FAIL them, but came close to. I had two chances and did do better except for one. Apparently since I added an extra check to a box, I ended up missing 5 points? It deducted five points from my score instead of just not getting the points. The damn thing TOOK points away instead of giving or just not having any at all. Suffice to say, I missed less on the second assessment and that just made me feel worse. I am maintaining very low B in the class and that is not acceptable. A low B is not, but a high B is because it's that much closer to an A and not a C. Since a C will still let me pass the class, I don't want it close to a D since that will mean I failed it. Perhaps there is reason why I didn't do so well. I read, in fact, most of the links didn't even work. How am I to take a test and try to pass it if the links aren't even accessible. In fact, they were missing pages or not existing anymore. Oh well, just means I need to get better grades on the other quizzes and my midterm next week. I'll be fine, right now, I'm not feeling too good about it.

I woke up this morning at 3:30 (Yes, I said this, but I ended up starting with the end and going to end with the beginning).
I was filled with anxiety. My heart began to race and I couldn't even consider trying to get back to sleep. I dropped a class that meets for a weekend up in the mountains. I dropped it because I didn't really want to take it in the first place. I was doing it for other people. I shouldn't be taking classes that I don't really want to take just to please my friends. Besides, the materials cost would be much and I need that money for upcoming events. Well, as I said, I was filled with anxiety.
I feel bad for how I've been acting towards a friend of mine, but then again, it's not like I wasn't provoked or at least felt provoked. I understand that they are going through their "episode", so they call it, but it is really best for me to know that before hand. I felt like they were being rude towards me and my only response was irritation and so I tried my best not to lash out much. I come to find out how they are feeling and I feel bad, but not much. I can't feel bad for someone who did not tell me this from the get go. I understand that it's hard, but being rude and then saying it's an "episode" is making up excuses. If I would have known how they felt, I would have just told them to calm down and I'm sorry they feel that way. I wouldn't have had any reason to react the way I did. You reminded me of myself during this situation. Saying one thing and then turning around doing another. I do not like hearing, "people were right, why do I bother?" and then getting an "XO" not too long after. What is this? I understand that when I joke around, I should state that I was because it makes it seem like I was acting differently than intended. But regardless of whatever "episode" you are in, there is still control over what is being said. That is, unless it is the case of schizophrenia. HA.

I've been having an NSA with someone that I've been keeping hush hush. I keep names hush hush, but I figured I would bring this out in the open. For reasons of just wanting to write about it. Throughout this NSA, which is No Strings Attached, I have opened myself up physically and have enjoyed it. I have allowed myself to be less inhibited, which is a good thing. I needed this. As it progressed, I knew from the get go that it may reach complications. I was under the impression that things were to happen if both parties wanted to do so. Most of the time, I'm not in the mood and I get put into the mood. Not that I mind that, but still. I am a sexual being, but there are a lot of times when I'm not feeling it. We are all different and I just happen to be someone who isn't always sexually driven. Well, when I'm in a relationship, I find myself more sexually driven. Especially in public for some odd reason? Usually at the start of the relationship I am sexually inclined and then I lose interest. Perhaps it's what I really do want, is the mind. I want some deep conversation over physical connection. In the beginning, I want the deep conversation and connection of the mind, of course the physical connection should be there, but without the mind, I lose interest. I find myself more attracted to intelligence more and more.
I have strayed away...
Well, with this NSA, I find myself at a stand still. I'm not jealous because I have stated that we are not exclusive to each other, which is what I thought. He took it as he would be exclusive to me and didn't think I was comfortable with the NSA in the first place so I wouldn't mess around with anyone else. I did and so he took that as an opportunity to go off and do things with an ex and his best friend. Granted, he hasn't done anything he's done with me with them, but still. I don't know what else is happening on his end, but on my end, I really have nothing going on for me. I slept with one person and soon afterwards, he seems to be seeing two other people for fun? Granted, I'm not saint, but now I feel as if things are being thrown at me. I'm allowing myself to just enjoy myself and if an opportunity comes up to have some fun and I'm up for it, I'll go ahead. The thing is, I've established connections with people through other means. On a mental level, a more emotional level? You can call me an affection whore. While I may not hold physical connections with more than one person, I do hold mental connections with more than one person, and I enjoy that. I must say that I am deeply fond of several gentlemen. I have far too many crushes, dammit.

I have come to find out that sometimes, sex does complicate things. It takes a special kind of person to not let sex complicate their friendships, but from experience and from others experiences, I haven't seen much of a good thing come from it. I have more cons than pros. That's fine though because it won't make me go back to my old ways of being against these sort of things, but I go into this knowing full well of the possibilities from having experienced them.

I don't feel wrong about feeling this way, but I feel like I must ask if I am wrong?

I have much to think about.
I'll probably hear something after they read this, and that's fine. For now, I will just enjoy my day. It's my first day back in California and I'm happy that I am going to lunch with Maile.
On the agenda for the day. I am going for an oil change, getting tested and lunch with Maile.

Thanks for reading, it means more to me than you know it when I get input or just that someone cared enough to read some of my thoughts.
Enjoy.

Idaho!

2008-05-13T04:08:33Z

PICTURES!!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/silentprotext/sets/72157605028461670/

May 11, 2008
I am writing this as I sit here in the living room with my family. My cousin is in the floor, my aunt and her boyfriend on the love seat and my mum and I here on the couch. I just finished editing photos and I want to edit some video. I don’t have all the videos I want to mess together into VLogs, but I figure I can do the first part and then do the second part later? I will have to see what there is.
I’ve had a good time since I got here. I have been with family and enjoying it. It feels like this weekend has gone by too quickly. I shall do a recap of my weekend here.

Thursday, May 8th, 2008
We left at around two in the morning. No wait. We actually left Friday if we left at two in the morning.
Friday, May 9th, 2008
Two in the morning and we are off to Idaho. We pick up my aunt and cousins and head off! We ended up going through Reno for a bit to fill up on gas and to drive through so I can get some pictures.
10 hours later
Wait…more like 12 hours later and we are FINALLY at our destination. I would add in what happened in the car, but I slept most of the way.
We came here to my aunts and unpacked, got dressed up and headed to my aunts. Fun times were had with my cousins while the adults went on over to the church for a rosary.
Saturday, May 10th, 2008
That was a long day, yesterday. We went to a Bo de Lete (or however you spell it!). I then partook in some beer and cheese until we left. We went to the mall where my cousin bought some clothes since she didn’t bring much up here. Our next destination was Super Wal-mart. HOLY CRAP. That place is huge and SO cheap! I was immediately reminded of “Something Wal-mart comes our way”. The South Park episode and I found myself wanting to get things just for the deals. I actually did get something and that was a four pack of BIG pack Orange Tic-Tacs. I fucking loves those things and they were so cheap! I bought myself some delicious potato salad, which I enjoyed so much I couldn’t wait to get home and eat it. In fact, I ate it before we even left town after I bought it.
Later on that night we all headed over to the festa. I dressed up as California as I could, just because. It was an OK time. I mean, there was a point where there was a new guy at the area where I was getting my beer and he kept asking me if I had an I.D. I told him that it was in the car, which was true, and he just ignored me and said to this other guy, “Ah! He’s 21, want a beer?” I just looked over at him with a look of disdain and walked off. I went over to my aunt’s boyfriend and he went and got me a beer and by that time there was somebody else at the beer place. It’s OK though because I still got me my beer. I found myself LOVING the beer because, well, I love beer from the tap. I ended up getting drunk, but not TOO drunk. Just drunk enough? Good times though! I slept well…
Sunday, May 11th, 2008
Which is today, or yesterday, or whenever I happen to post this. We went over to Shason Falls, or however you spell it. Took pictures, of which I will put up the link once I get them uploaded! It was the first time that I have ever been around a waterfall. Quite an amazing experience if I say so myself.
Afterwards we went over to Country Corral. It was a decent buffet and I enjoyed my salad. It was crowded and filled with obese people, scary.
We went back to the festa afterwards; left not too long after too since it was, well, BORING.
We are here now, like I said. I shall see what I can do about the videos. Tomorrow we leave sometime, don’t know when but we do.

And yeah, I came here thinking I could free my mind of some things, but I didn’t. It’s not that I came here as an escape, but I would think some kind of freeing of the mind would occur. I actually have thought about things though, about a lot. I’m really excited to be going to Ohio, that is, if I do. PRIDE is coming up and I’m just as excited for it too. Ohio, I am definitely going to try to go to. PRIDE, I will of course be going regardless. I will find ways! Now I just have to contemplate other things and BOY do I have a lot to talk about in therapy this Thursday.

5.08.2008 - Going to Idaho

2008-05-08T20:43:16Z

Are you prepared?

2008-05-07T21:56:23Z

Paolo's Response to Seasons of Love!

2008-05-06T23:21:02Z

No Si Puede Vivir

2008-05-06T06:24:18Z

I didn't realize how much this experience of growth would really change things.

But why do I feel like even these experiences are so very wrong? Is it really that wrong that I want to experience many things? I know I may end up putting myself into a shit hole, but I can dig myself out. I know, you can look at me as someone being indifferent and I have never once lied about that. I am different than the others, but it doesn't mean that I'm not human like everyone else. I'm not going to ashamed to call myself a human. It is seen as a negative quality. To be like a human ,but isn't that what we all are?

My human qualities are what comprise who I am. I have my good qualities, but I also have those horrid qualities that anyone would kill to get rid of. As for myself, I deal with them. I'm enjoying life and making stupid decisions. Granted, some decisions I REALLY shouldn't have done, but I did. I have a feeling that I'm going to make an enemy or two, but that's fine.

"Listen to yourself, do you even know what you're talking about?"

Yes I fucking know what I'm talking about, otherwise I wouldn't be writing it.
Yes, I want to be well liked, but not always.
There are things I am going to do that will directly influence other peoples lives and that's just something I'm accepting and dealing with. Feel free to be there for me, just don't expect me to always be nice along the way. I can be an ass just like the next person. I figure if I don't have much of one, I may as well talk out of it every now and then.

I like people and some people like me. I like to make people feel good and if others aren't making them feel good, I sometimes will assume responsibility and make them feel good. It will get me in trouble, but deep down, it makes me feel good because sometimes we just need to be made felt good. Even if we feel like shit afterward.

I'm happy and I'm learning. This is life and a life not lived is not worth living. And baby, I'm going to live it, even if you don't like what I'm doing.

Funny thing is is that I clash against myself all the time. I'm always fighting with my id and super ego. One tells me go one way, the other the other way.

One thing I am working on, is to not care so much about what people think about me. All that really matters is what I think of myself. I know at times I may not think too much of myself, but that's the case for anyone. Right now, I'm a work of art that has yet to be completed.

VLog - 5.5.2008 - I feel deliciously WHITE THRASH!

2008-05-06T01:02:18Z

Two night stand, thanks for the memory.

2008-05-05T23:46:58Z

He moves from one lover to the next. Each night he goes out and never finds what he wants. He finds himself constantly asking, "What is it that I want?" He remains unclear as he pushes himself into this man. A moan is exhausted and job is complete. He pushes himself off and suggest to clean up.

"I should go..."
"Yeah me too"

He's a man whom has another, but has not shared himself through this sin in quite some time. I did not feel a need to embrace this sin with him, but only a want to make him feel good.

"You make me feel so good."
"Good."

Driving home, I reach for my phone and call another.

"Come over and lay with me."
"Are you sure?"
"More than I'll ever be."

I patiently wait in bed, resting on my side. A knock at the door, please come in. Lay down beside me, thanks for the kiss. Your hands wrap around and lips explore my body. The pillow muffled out my groans. Thank you for this. A hand reaches for each others swollen member. Oh, this feels good.

I want it on my chest. Give it to me now. Release yourself. Enjoy.

"Oh, this feels so good"
"Good."

Oh...
Here goes the moment, the point of no return. I feel the warmth trickling down my chest.

"Now go, I need sleep."
You go and I lay my head down, covered in mine and yours filth. I curl up and reminisce of the night before.

I apologize for enjoying your lovers body.
I thank you for exploring my body.
I enjoyed every minute of it.
Live life large.
Mmm...
Thanks.

Growing, Growing, GONE!

2008-05-05T23:04:38Z

It has been a good weekend. The week is here and has already begun. I find myself already doing well in my class. Sure, I haven't pulled anything more than a B, but just missing 2 answers out of 21 is much better than missing more! I enjoy this, I really do.

Thursday I leave to Idaho with a few of my family members to visit family. I am looking forward to it and am probably going to be studying almost everyday I am there, but that's OK! It is the price for educating myself and doing well in my classes. This I enjoy with a great deal.

I have also realized this weekend that I have a greater tolerance for alcohol than I thought I did. Don't mistake this by me becoming a drunk, but I'm surprised because I don't drink as often as I used to, you know? I have enjoyed this weekend though. I have made friends, hung out with some great people and laughed. I think we all need to have a little fun, especially if we find ourself constantly surrounded by text books and various educational institutes.

I am growing and in more than just my mind. Well perhaps it could all be my mind, but I find myself expanding in different areas of my mind. Whether it be educational matters or more personal matters. I am enjoying this and hope that it will not end up coming back and smacking me in the face like it has done before. I am not regretting the things I do because there is no need to regret. In this life, we only have one. If we cannot live it ,then life is not worth living.

I'm hungry, so I'm going to go make early dinner for myself. Thanks to all those who are at my side, growing along with me. You help me out much more than you could ever know. Even if it's just a small thing, it goes a long way.

This is what happens when you are drunk and have music,

2008-05-03T09:49:34Z

It's a party and I'll cry if I want to.

2008-05-03T08:17:22Z

Well, I was going to post a video, but the damn thing ended up not recording the sound. I decided that I would just write.

I'm a bit drunk and my cousins camera got stolen from my friends party. The party got broken up because some guy wanted to defend his brother by picking a fight. Really does suck when someone decides to be a macho man and start a fight. There is no reason to start a fight, but I guess that happens at a lot of parties because someone is drunk and wants to be a macho man. I had a fun time tonight! Before the party was broken, I was enjoying myself with my friends and dancing to country music. Country music of all things! And I was enjoying it.

Good night. I thank Julie for inviting me and I got my monies worth!

Other than that, my day didn't consist of much and here I am now, wondering if my friend is going to come over or not.
Bah, people suck.

Regardless, great night. Woot!

***UPDATE***
So Julies laptop and stuff from this girls purse, INCLUDING her mothers credit card were stolen and used. I really wonder how someone could have gotten passed everyone. I KNEW I didn't trust the guys from Stockton. The credit card was used in Stockton. I know, I shouldn't judge people by their appearences, but they were the ONLY people who came from Stockton and were dressed all gangsta g with their hair in braids, backwards caps and raiders jackets and what not. I shouldn't judge, but I did and I really believe it was them because they were closest to my cousins camera most of the night. I hope they find these people. Chances are they won't find what was stolen, but hopefully they find who took it and put them to shame. You don't go to someones birthday party and steal their things. Like my cousin said at the party, "God will punish them". Haha, well let us hope someone does!

Things I want, or should want.

2008-05-01T09:13:26Z

Things I want, or should want.

1. Establish a better relationship with my father and siblings. Mostly my father.
2. Overall, establish a better relationship with my family members because, well, I should.
3. To get a job at the library, because, well from a friends advice. He believes I would love working there because I would be able to work with computers, help people and educate them, plus being surrounded by delicious books.
4. Control my emotions better. I do now, but like my saying says. Don't take things too heart dude!!
5. Take a voice class during the fall semester, so that I can train my voice and quite possibly try for American Idol. I probably never will try for American Idol because that whole system is fucked, but we shall see.
6. Continue to go down my path to achieving better mental health.
7. Establish better relationships with my friends. I have distanced myself.
8. Have sex with as many people as I possibly can.
9. That last one was a joke.
10. Or was it?

Well, as far as things go. That's all I can think of. I'm sure I have far more to mentioned, but oh well.

Oh.
11. Take more photographs. I must unlease the artistic genious from deep within!

and last but never least.
12. Love myself tenderly.
wait there's a 13.

13. Since I have all summer. Why not get even more fit and exercise more! I will vow to exercise more and get myself fitting into size 36 jeans comfortably, instead of a little snug like they are now.

Yep, I have a long path ahead of me if I want to accomplish at least one of them. I can do it. Of course I can.

-walks off-

Just Once.

2008-05-01T04:46:42Z

It does looke like I'm on a whole drug kick today, which I didn't intend to be. A friend of mine posted this up in a bulletin saying it was funny, which I really didn't find it funny. It's an effective way to advertise what meth CAN do. Granted, it doesn't always lead to that, but it does show what COULD happen. It doesn't meant that it will ever happen, but what COULD. Which is why I did enjoy this. It made me think, it made me listen and yeah. Hope you all enjoy it.

Knock Knock!

2008-05-01T02:23:21Z

VLog - 4.30.2008 - Drugs are bad, mk?

2008-05-01T01:41:15Z

Amerigay!

2008-04-30T21:13:06Z

Amerigay!
Originally uploaded by Alan Michael Pereira.

I am Amerigay! Bringing equality and justice for all!

7 year old steals car.

2008-04-30T01:15:41Z

I want to slap this kid.

Dream Journal.

2008-04-29T17:57:16Z

I was at school and with my friend James. Here we were waiting at the taco truck because he was waiting to meet a new friend of his. I see the new friend and to my shock it was Jason. A friend of mine I've been wanting to meet from Ohio. Within the dream, I was jealous. I was irritated. I do think within the dream he actually may have lived nearby, but he may not have so I can understand why I would be irritated. You know, by him coming here to California and coming to see a friend of mine of which I really didn't know they had any contact and had no idea he was coming either. Well I end up running off, tearing up as James and Jason are still where they are hugging and what not.

This girl follows me. She's a pretty young thing. Blond hair, blue eyes, skinny, but not the type of skinny that's gross but a good kind. I ended up going into a classroom and sitting through and English 11 class. It seemed like a hard class, but I think the teacher herself even said it wasn't. James and Jason ended up coming into the classroom as well, from which I decided to leave because I didn't want to be around. I was really bothered by this.

As I left, I ended up being a part of a Simpsons episode? We were lost at sea, then ended up on a weird boat after flying off of the other? Well someone ended up crashing us into other boats, I ripped a golden fin from an under the sand type fish and we ended up making a lot of money from that and drove off in our beat up car with stuff. I believe Homer had a bunch of food surrounding him while he was driving.

An odd dream.
Fun though.
Can't believe I was reacting the way I was within the dream about friends of mine meeting.
Oh well.

And my room says hello to you.

2008-04-28T23:02:16Z

Along with other ramblings...
Well, one.

I'm Back! (VLog)

2008-04-28T18:19:32Z

And I met you.

2008-04-28T07:35:35Z

Tonight I met my sister for the very first time. She has two kids and has twins on the way. So as of tonight, I am an uncle! I saw my dad after months and I unleashed upon him how much I have changed. I told him I quit smoking and I am a vegetarian. He was actually kind of proud? Perhaps it's because I have made all these changes to benefit me. He was very proud of the fact that I quit smoking. All in all, things are running smoothly.

Although meeting my sister didn't go like it could have gone, but things are fine. It's very new to just meet a brother you have never met before in your life. You live 20 years without seeing eachother, you'd think there would be tears, but no. It's fine though. In time things will set into place.

I watched The Mist tonight. I am fucking LIVID! Only because of that bitch in the movie and the ending, the fucking ending! AH!

Other than that, this was a good day.

Against the corner.

2008-04-27T05:13:32Z

(Horrible writing!)

Slammed into the corner once again, I feel the pressure against my head. The feeling of my skull cracking only masks how much the sound bothers me. My eyes are blinded by the blood. There is no resisting this time I am told.

Wake up and here I am in my bed again. I feel a force beneath me and I am thrown against the ceiling. This pressure against my body, ribs snap. There is no resisting this I am told.

Eyes are wide open, I find myself next to you. I tap your shoulder, you turn around and I jump back. The face of death stares me in the eyes. Those hallowed eye sockets seem to pierce my own, I close them and turn away. A sudden sting sensation. There is no resisting this I am told.

I'm at the funeral, staring down at you in the only casket I could afford. I close my eyes as I reach for your hand. I open them and darkness. I reach out and feel fabric, what is this? I'm trapped in here. I knock on the walls and nothing. The oxygen is depleting, what is this feeling? Suffocation. I begin to hyperventilate and scream out, "NO, NO, NO! It wasn't meant to be like this! I will resist this, fuck what I am told!"

"And how does that make you feel?"
I look over and stare at the psychiatrist.
"It makes me feel good. This room is a bit bright though, you should consider finding someone to color this room something a bit more colorful rather than this dull white." I say, chuckling.
"You're missing the point. This has nothing to do with the color of your room. This has to do with your dreams and day dreams." he said with agitation in his voice.
"No, I think you're missing the point. I think I would respond much better if you would find someone to color my room."
"..." No response from him.
"I think this session is over, you won't get anything else from me other than me wanting a new room color."

The psychiatrist picked up his things and proceeded to walk to the door. He turned around and his eyes were hallowed out.
"What the..." I stared over at him, "Your eyes..."
"What about my eyes, Travis?" He smiled.
"Oh no, nothing." I looked away, "Just go..."

Towards the ground I look and hop up on my feet.

I fall.

Digimon World: Dawn

2008-04-27T03:18:28Z

Digimon World: Dawn
Originally uploaded by Alan Michael Pereira.

I decided to get this. I love my Nintendo DS so I decided to get it a new game that it may have pleasure with.

I got Crisis Core before, but a friend of mine had negative reviews of it and I trust him with those reviews. Besides, I wouldn't want to not enjoy it and then try to return it after the seven days and regret it. I played it for a little bit and it seemed like the battle system would get really repetative.

Not to say that this game won't be, but I do prefer my DS over my PSP. Sad as that may be, but I do.
We will see how this game turns out. There is another version of this, called DUSK, but I decided against it because I like the Digimon on the cover. Although the rest one on the right is new to me and will probably be the starter Digimon in this game. I suppose I will just deal with it considering it is probably a lame attempt to be like Pokemon. I will review it when as I play!!

****Update****
They gave me the wrong game. I got DUSK version instead. I looked at it and was like, "WTF!". That's OK though. I actually really did want the DUSK version because I like night time and yeah....perhaps it's a sign that I was meant to get it. That's fine though. I'll enjoy it regardless.

****Another Update****
I'm enjoying it. It's really cheesy and has a lot of dialogue, but it's interesting enough. May or may not be worth it over Crisis Core, but that's OK. I've made my decision and this will keep me entertained! Besides, I like games like these. The quality of the game may be Game Boy Advance quality, but most games for the DS are so OH WELL.

MOMENT.

2008-04-26T06:40:13Z

Sometimes when the whole world loves you, you really have to sit back and think about that. The whole world loves you, but you know there is one person who hates you. You try to figure out who that person is, but they are right in front of you. They are so much closer to you than anyone else. No matter how much you try to do to please the world, you cannot please everyone.

I am a symbol to the world. I am loved. Who should love me more than everyone else does not love me.

I don't love myself.

(Before anyone gets to thinking that I really mean this, no I don't. I was watching the movie Blonde about Marilyn Monroe and some of what she said made me do a bit of a monologue with myself after watching it.)